Sunday, June 3, 2012

My View On Bringing Up Kids

Last night, I went to the movies with friends to see The Snow White and The Huntsman. The movie was very beautifully made, and Charlize Theron's acting was breathtaking, but I actually want to write about a family that was sitting behind us.

The movie started at 9:40 pm. The couple behind us brought in their kid, who was about 2.5-3 years old. I did not actually see him, but I figured out his age by the kind of questions he asked. "Mommy, who is that girl?" and "What was that?!" were very cute, but bringing a young kid to the movies at 10 pm? He should have been asleep by 8. Furthermore, the movie had several very graphic scenes of murders, battles, and a ton of blood (I still think the movie was beautiful.) Is it really a good time for a 3-year old to learn about that side of life? I don't think so. 

In my culture, bringing up of the kids is very different from the way they are brought up here in the States. When I first got here, the fact that very young kids go with their parents everywhere, including restaurants and movies, and annoy others with their crying shocked me. In Russia, when you have a kid, you, as a mother, pretty much forget about any kind of social life. You sit at home with the kid and go out only to walk around the block with the stroller. I know, it is not fun, but that is just a part of a mother's life. No one likes crying infants and misbehaving toddlers in public places. 

After seeing how kids are brought up here, I have become more tolerant and have actually found several ideas absolutely great. For example, it is not that awful to bring your child along to the restaurant to meet with your friends, as long as you step out when your kid starts crying. That is, step out with the crying kid. Also, the idea of a little one running around outside barefoot does not terrify me anymore; children need to be exposed to bacteria and cold temperatures to build their immune system. In addition, babysitters are more readily available in the States compared Russia, so it is easier to go out without your child. 

Even though we do not have kids yet, I can already anticipate that bringing up our children can potentially be the subject of our disagreement. I pray that the Lord will open my heart to the ideas that David will propose. He is better with the kids anyway, so I hope my motherly instincts will not fog my mind. But I know one thing for sure: we will not bring our toddler to watch an inappropriate movie that starts so late! 


  1. That same thing really bugs me! I have been to R-rated horror movies where babies or toddlers have been there as well at close to midnight or after. I feel like there should be a rule--if a kid is a certain age, they are NOT ALLOWED in movies. Just a pet peeve. I feel like it's unfair for the child and the other movie-goers.

    I was actually terrified to bring my kids out places because I didn't want to be the one with the crying child in a restaurant or store. As I've gotten used to being a mom, I've figured out what works for us and for our kids as far as taking them places. I want to think about what's best for them ,and what's appropriate for the setting and other people. Sometimes you will have people be overly annoyed just to see a small child anyway, and that's hard. Then you see parents just letting their kids go crazy in public and I understand why some people don't like kids!

    It can be a really hard thing to figure out--especially together with another person. Rob and I are very low conflict, but definitely found with kids that we have conflict and have had to learn to resolve it. It's not BAD conflict, but you put two people together that have unconscious ideas of how to raise kids and then it hits the fan. All about communication! (And not taking your kids to late, inappropriate movies.)

    1. Thank you, Kirsten! I am afraid of being that parent, too, but I still want to be out in public instead of sitting at home. I am happy we have you all in our family with a ton of children-growing experience, so we can learn from you. It is definitely going to be interesting!

  2. Ahh! This is hard! I think that definitely when kids are older it is important to leave if they are throwing a fit. Having a baby crying in public seems like a difficult gray area. It takes me so long to pack everything and get to the store with Hayes that I have had to let him cry in Target a couple times. :( I felt so bad, but couldn't help it. Once he's older and knows to throw a "fit", we will definitely leave if he starts freaking out. For now, it just is a stinky gray area. So hard!

    1. Yes, I definitely agree. I may very well change my mind when we have kids :)