Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Dancing Through Your Life Together: Filter Before You Get Married

We have just had our two-year anniversary on June 19th, and I thought about how quickly time flies. Out of these two years, we have been together for a little less than a year. The rest of the time my husband has been either on training or deployed. I guess that is our secret to staying newlyweds for a long, long time. This is an inevitable part of military life, and it is by far the hardest thing military families have to go through. 

My good friend Kaitlin McGuire has recently told us that she is getting married soon! So exciting! Her fiance is in the Navy, so they will have to experience military lifestyle together, too. I wish them strength, patience, and wisdom, because military families need those virtues especially. I have never been disappointed in my decision to marry my wonderful husband, and I hope they will never be disappointed with their choices, either. 

Back in school, I took a speech class, which I quite enjoyed. Honestly, I did not start liking public speaking any more than I did before, but our professor was a man of great honor and wisdom. I learned a lot from him, and today I want to share his advice on what to think about before getting married. I consulted this list before marrying David (even though it was after I said yes) and was happy to find out that we were compatible on all levels.

Dr. J. David Turner's Filter Before You Get Married:

1) Match Worldview: Making sure you have the same (or at least similar) outlook on things will definitely save you a lot of time that you could spend fighting. When we went to Houston to meet David's parents over Christmas, David's father gave us a book, "101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged" by H. Norman Wright. Going through the questions was not only fun, but also eye-opening. We saw how similar our worldviews were, and I believe it got us closer to the big decision.

2) Match Goals and Vision: Do you both want to pursue a career? Or is one of you okay with the idea to be a stay-at-home parent? Determining what you want to accomplish in life on early stages of your life together is critical. It is much better when both partners support each other's decisions rather than trying to change each other. 

3) Great Character: If your partner drinks excessively or acts aggressively when angry, beware: chances are high that he or she will not change after you say your vows. Ask yourself if you are ready to spend the rest of your life with the person who behaves this way. 

4) Match Personality Profile: Does one of you enjoy quiet evenings at home, while the other would rather spend a night at a club? When married, both of you will have to compromise, and it is easier to do if both of you have compatible personality traits.

5) Old Enough To Make Decisions: Both of you need to be mature enough to get a job, pay mortgage, and look after your dog. Every family will have some variation of "adult" decisions to make. Would be great if you both are responsible enough to make them. 

6) Able to Make a Living: When you are married, you will most probably have to work in order to support your family. Parents do often help, but living with them would only put a strain on your marriage. Even if you love your parents to death. 

7) Tried and Tested: Both Are Faithful:
- Emotionally
- Physically
- Spiritually
- Sexually
- Financially

All of these tests are important, but I want to comment on three of them. When you are faithful emotionally, you no longer look around in search of someone else. You know that you've got the best man or woman in the whole world, and there is no need to look any further. To me, being faithful spiritually is to have the same faith and to be on the same page. We made a decision to get married only after we both were strong enough in our faith to unite our lives and to put Christ into the center of our marriage. If one of you is a believer and another one is not, the conflict will arise for sure, one way or another. Finally, being faithful financially is to keep your partner and your future family in mind when making serious financial decisions. Buying a luxury coupe right before the wedding is probably not the best decision, unless both of you have more practical four-door vehicles and enough money to provide a place you both will call home.

Getting married is a very important decision that will affect the rest of your life. Giving it a little more thought than just dreaming about a beautiful wedding dress can be a true life saver. 


  1. I like this checklist! Great advice!

    1. Thank you! It is awesome looking through it and realizing that our husbands are perfect matches for us!

  2. I LOVE this list! So true!! The book you talked about is one that some friends of mine did...they told me about it (that's the short story). Tim and I went through it and I guess Buck must have liked it too! Who knew? :) It also helped us have some important conversations before we got married. I may refer some friends to this post in the future!
    -Lauren O.
    P.S. I am so glad you are blogging! It's been a blast to read your posts.

    1. Thank you, Lauren! I enjoy it, too. Hope it will keep me busy when David deploys.